What was he thinking? What a dummy! How could he say that? What's the matter with that guy? I am embarrassed to be associated with them!
Do you ever find yourself making those kinds of comments? I must say I have used a few of those phrases and am not proud of it. In fact, I am embarrassed.
One of the surprises of the position I now occupy is the vast number of decisions that have to be made. Everyday decisions, decisions, decisions. Decisions that affect individuals, congregations, communities or the bottom line. Decisions continually come up where there are no policies to guide because nobody ever thought of it before.
There are times our leaders, or you as a leader, make decisions only to take hits for it. Sometimes we make wrong decisions--who among us is 100% right 100% of the time? Sometimes decisions are made under pressure. Sometimes they are made in faith. Sometimes they are made with the best information available at the time. Sometimes they are made and we don't know or understand the real complexities or ramifications of the situation.
Here are 10 things I have learned about decision making:
1. Someone will always disagree and he/she is likely not in the room
2. When making a decision you will always be criticized by someone
3. No decision...is still a decision
4. If you want to make people happy you have to say Yes to everyone all the time
5. If you want to make people angry you have to say Yes to everyone all the time
6. People forget about our right decisions sooner than wrong decisions
7. Saying No to someone reveals more of their character than saying yes (try it on your kids)
8. Decisions cost
9. Decisions touch other peoples lives
10.Decision makers need wisdom
So, leaders happy decision making. May God grant you wisdom.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sowing Seeds
My mother told me that you reap what you sow. It didn't seem like much of a lesson 30 plus years ago but for some reason of all the things she tried to tell me, that one stuck.
So, go ahead and sow seeds.
Sow seeds among the Seniors. Visit them, engage them, pray with them, be with them. Value and esteem them. Someday soon, before you know it, you too will be old. You too will sit in a house or an apartment wondering if you are valued or if your life really matters. You will be glad you sowed seeds of kindness to seniors...you will reap the harvest.
Sow seeds among potential friends. Friendship takes effort. Effort to open your home. Effort to help out. Effort to spend money or to go out of your way. Effort to walk up to someone new in the church foyer. However sowing seeds of friendship is a good way to reap a harvest of friends.
Consider what you want to harvest in the next season of life and sow.
So, go ahead and sow seeds.
Sow seeds among the Seniors. Visit them, engage them, pray with them, be with them. Value and esteem them. Someday soon, before you know it, you too will be old. You too will sit in a house or an apartment wondering if you are valued or if your life really matters. You will be glad you sowed seeds of kindness to seniors...you will reap the harvest.
Sow seeds among potential friends. Friendship takes effort. Effort to open your home. Effort to help out. Effort to spend money or to go out of your way. Effort to walk up to someone new in the church foyer. However sowing seeds of friendship is a good way to reap a harvest of friends.
Consider what you want to harvest in the next season of life and sow.
Kings
I had a conversation with my son on the way home from school today. The conversation went something like this:
Son: Dad, when did you know you were supposed to be a pastor?
Me: When I was 15, just a year older than you are now. I was in a missions service and somehow God spoke to me, not audibly, but he spoke to me and I knew from that moment on that I was called to the ministry.
Then in usual Dad fashion a story had to follow. It was a story about something I used to hear "old-timers" say to us young pastors. The saying was this: If God has called you to preach the Gospel, don't step down to be a King.
This slaps the face of modern wisdom whereby the call of God seems to be less than valued and almost seen as an undesirable profession or career suicide. A position with low pay, long hours and little fulfillment. Amongst those "in" ministry, many long to get out and hoards of preachers are leaving it to pursue other interests. Bible College enrollments are at all time lows throughout North America.
In fact I remember being out of ministry myself for a couple of years and working in the business world. It was not always a good career move to tell someone that in your past, you preached.
Well let's keep this one thing straight. It is still a high calling to preach the Gospel--the highest in fact. It is a privilege to be chosen by God to speak for Him. It is a sacred trust to be able to wait on God, study diligently and despite our own human frailty to endeavor to speak for God to those who need to hear.
Thanks, but I will pass on being a King.
Son: Dad, when did you know you were supposed to be a pastor?
Me: When I was 15, just a year older than you are now. I was in a missions service and somehow God spoke to me, not audibly, but he spoke to me and I knew from that moment on that I was called to the ministry.
Then in usual Dad fashion a story had to follow. It was a story about something I used to hear "old-timers" say to us young pastors. The saying was this: If God has called you to preach the Gospel, don't step down to be a King.
This slaps the face of modern wisdom whereby the call of God seems to be less than valued and almost seen as an undesirable profession or career suicide. A position with low pay, long hours and little fulfillment. Amongst those "in" ministry, many long to get out and hoards of preachers are leaving it to pursue other interests. Bible College enrollments are at all time lows throughout North America.
In fact I remember being out of ministry myself for a couple of years and working in the business world. It was not always a good career move to tell someone that in your past, you preached.
Well let's keep this one thing straight. It is still a high calling to preach the Gospel--the highest in fact. It is a privilege to be chosen by God to speak for Him. It is a sacred trust to be able to wait on God, study diligently and despite our own human frailty to endeavor to speak for God to those who need to hear.
Thanks, but I will pass on being a King.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Influence or Control
Today, December 4th is a significant day for two of us in this office. For me it is a time to remember that it was my Dad's birthday. For another person, it is a time to remember that two years ago their parent passed away. My Dad died over 5 years ago.
Even though my folks divorced 26 years ago, I always think of them on their anniversary day. I always remember my Dad's birthday and the anniversary of his death. In his latter years as he was fading, I noticed that he would often speak to me about his own father. I wondered why it was that a man in his 70's needed to talk about his memories of his own father. More than that I wondered why he felt he needed to tell me about this stuff. What was the relevence? Why was it important to him?
Well, I think I might have it figured out. We often consider life to be a journey. We start at point A and end at point B. For fear of sounding New Age, I think life tends to be more circular and more than that, the circles intersect one another. The circle of our parents lives intersect those of their children. Their influence in our lives never ends. It is especially true if the parent has learned the truth that influence is better than control.
Several years ago, when discussing choices with one of our sons I realized something. I will never forget the moment. I realized that I no longer have control over this kid! I have no control over what he will do, his choices, or his future. However, the lights went on at the same time. It came to mind that while we relinquish control (do it because I said so) we can chose to be influencers.
The most effective way to exert influence in our childrens lives is to listen, allow a free exchange of ideas, speak honestly and transperantly, explain why you adhere to the values you do. Explain what formed your values and the reasons for them. Share your failures, victories and fears. Most of all share your dreams with your children about their future and affirm your undying love, acceptance and value you place in them.
Then at the end of the day, let them go, but hold them close. Be willing to talk on their terms and their schedules about their stuff. Never relinquish the responsibility of wisely, prayerfully and lovingly being the main influencer of your children.
I can say that somehow my Dad and his Dad understood the idea of being influencers. It was done with loving affirmation, carefully placed words of wisdom, the stories shared and most of all taking the time to be in my life.
Thanks Dad.
Happy 81st birthday.
See you in Heaven.
Even though my folks divorced 26 years ago, I always think of them on their anniversary day. I always remember my Dad's birthday and the anniversary of his death. In his latter years as he was fading, I noticed that he would often speak to me about his own father. I wondered why it was that a man in his 70's needed to talk about his memories of his own father. More than that I wondered why he felt he needed to tell me about this stuff. What was the relevence? Why was it important to him?
Well, I think I might have it figured out. We often consider life to be a journey. We start at point A and end at point B. For fear of sounding New Age, I think life tends to be more circular and more than that, the circles intersect one another. The circle of our parents lives intersect those of their children. Their influence in our lives never ends. It is especially true if the parent has learned the truth that influence is better than control.
Several years ago, when discussing choices with one of our sons I realized something. I will never forget the moment. I realized that I no longer have control over this kid! I have no control over what he will do, his choices, or his future. However, the lights went on at the same time. It came to mind that while we relinquish control (do it because I said so) we can chose to be influencers.
The most effective way to exert influence in our childrens lives is to listen, allow a free exchange of ideas, speak honestly and transperantly, explain why you adhere to the values you do. Explain what formed your values and the reasons for them. Share your failures, victories and fears. Most of all share your dreams with your children about their future and affirm your undying love, acceptance and value you place in them.
Then at the end of the day, let them go, but hold them close. Be willing to talk on their terms and their schedules about their stuff. Never relinquish the responsibility of wisely, prayerfully and lovingly being the main influencer of your children.
I can say that somehow my Dad and his Dad understood the idea of being influencers. It was done with loving affirmation, carefully placed words of wisdom, the stories shared and most of all taking the time to be in my life.
Thanks Dad.
Happy 81st birthday.
See you in Heaven.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Technology Free Zones
Is the use of technology okay every where we go? Is there ever a time it should be restricted.
At our recent Conference we did something we have not done before. We declared the business sessions to be "Technology Free Zones".
Why would we do that? Well there are a few good reasons why.
1. It is polite.
How many of us like to speak to someone and they can't take their eyes off the t.v. or computer screen? It simply communicates--I don't care.
2. It is orderly.
Imagine the scenario of leading a business meeting. While the chair may be trying to conduct business, people are not necessarily talking and being disorderly, but they are completely disengaged from the process. Texting, emailing and potentially sending messages back and forth across the conference floor. Or worse yet conference business may be getting discussed with those not even in attendance.
Without any regard for decorum or order, debate may be taking place, directions given from some guy sitting beside a pool in Arizona that affects your churches business meeting....or perhaps a disgruntled influential ex-member! The chair has no control over what is being said because while he thinks he is running the meeting, there is another meeting taking place that he is unaware of.
Rather than issues being discussed openly and in an orderly fashion they may be getting debated on the floor and the chair has no knowledge of it and therefore is not in control of the meeting.
I will be continuing to push for technology free zones during our conferences and church business meetings because this is a new reality we are all going to have to deal with in our churches. In fact the question should be raised--can we declare those involved in this as being out of order and if they don't cooperate asked to leave?
Although some may see this as being over the top, they will feel differently when an important issue gets squelched because a business meeting was hijacked by technology.
3. We get the idea of cell phone etiquette and expect them to be turned off during services--it is time to address the issue of texting and emailing during services and business meetings.
4. Question, how many of you would tolerate people bringing their laptops or blackberries to a service and "working" while you are preaching? Seriously.
At our recent Conference we did something we have not done before. We declared the business sessions to be "Technology Free Zones".
Why would we do that? Well there are a few good reasons why.
1. It is polite.
How many of us like to speak to someone and they can't take their eyes off the t.v. or computer screen? It simply communicates--I don't care.
2. It is orderly.
Imagine the scenario of leading a business meeting. While the chair may be trying to conduct business, people are not necessarily talking and being disorderly, but they are completely disengaged from the process. Texting, emailing and potentially sending messages back and forth across the conference floor. Or worse yet conference business may be getting discussed with those not even in attendance.
Without any regard for decorum or order, debate may be taking place, directions given from some guy sitting beside a pool in Arizona that affects your churches business meeting....or perhaps a disgruntled influential ex-member! The chair has no control over what is being said because while he thinks he is running the meeting, there is another meeting taking place that he is unaware of.
Rather than issues being discussed openly and in an orderly fashion they may be getting debated on the floor and the chair has no knowledge of it and therefore is not in control of the meeting.
I will be continuing to push for technology free zones during our conferences and church business meetings because this is a new reality we are all going to have to deal with in our churches. In fact the question should be raised--can we declare those involved in this as being out of order and if they don't cooperate asked to leave?
Although some may see this as being over the top, they will feel differently when an important issue gets squelched because a business meeting was hijacked by technology.
3. We get the idea of cell phone etiquette and expect them to be turned off during services--it is time to address the issue of texting and emailing during services and business meetings.
4. Question, how many of you would tolerate people bringing their laptops or blackberries to a service and "working" while you are preaching? Seriously.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Leading Teams
We are faced with the reality that it is tougher to get volunteers involved in ministry today than ever before. Another new challenge is that it is also difficult to find paid staff. For a leader to be successful, retention, conflict resolution and team building are more necessary than ever before.
Here are 10 little tips to help you fulfill your role successfully as a team leader.
1. Encourage Opposition.
It is important to have on any team people who think different than the leader. People who question, doubt and criticize are not the enemy they are your friends. They will help you make wise, informed, well thought out plans and strategies. "Yes men" are dangerous and more of a threat to a leaders success because while he/she is making fatal errors they just nod in agreement.
2. Celebrate your Team Members Successes
It is startling how some lead pastors, churches and boards endeavor to call the best leaders possible and then put them down and keep them in their place. Here is a thought, if you as a leader are insecure or feel threatened by those below you, elevate them. Don't yield to the temptation to push them down, instead lift them up. By doing so you will be elevated in the eyes of those you lead. Put them down and you look small.
3. Look out for #2, 3 and 4!
The unwise leader looks out for #1. This fosters disloyalty and loss of respect. It is not about you, it is not what is best for you. Look out for the best of others.
4. Flatten the Structure
Control, manipulation and retaining power are outdated leadership paradigms that need to die.
Empower those around you to be the leaders God calls them to be.
5. Create a Secure environment
A great team can handle failure, so long as it isn't brought on by sloth or stupidity. Healthy teams are environments where there is an utter lack of fear and intimidation.
6. Respect Others Intelligence
Great leaders don't have to be the smartest most intelligent members of the team. They bring out the best in their teams. It is the unwise leader who has the need to always prevail in every meeting or conversation. It gets old after awhile.
7. Trust
Take the risk to trust people. Assign tasks and trust they will follow through. There is no point in having a team if you never trust them to do what they are supposed to.
8. Offer Praise
If you run out of things to say, why not try a few of these phrases: Good job. Great idea. Thanks. You did a terrific job. I am really proud of you. I really appreciate you.
Use them several times per day for desired results.
9. Give away credit
You get more credit with others and with your team when you learn to give it away. Look for opportunities to give credit to your team. Look for opportunities to elevate them and promote them in the eyes of others. There is no room to write about the pay offs of doing this.
10. Lighten Up
Humor, a good laugh and the ability to have fun working with one another is not an option it is of utmost importance. In high demand, high stress atmospheres, it can mean survival!
Happy Team Leading!
Here are 10 little tips to help you fulfill your role successfully as a team leader.
1. Encourage Opposition.
It is important to have on any team people who think different than the leader. People who question, doubt and criticize are not the enemy they are your friends. They will help you make wise, informed, well thought out plans and strategies. "Yes men" are dangerous and more of a threat to a leaders success because while he/she is making fatal errors they just nod in agreement.
2. Celebrate your Team Members Successes
It is startling how some lead pastors, churches and boards endeavor to call the best leaders possible and then put them down and keep them in their place. Here is a thought, if you as a leader are insecure or feel threatened by those below you, elevate them. Don't yield to the temptation to push them down, instead lift them up. By doing so you will be elevated in the eyes of those you lead. Put them down and you look small.
3. Look out for #2, 3 and 4!
The unwise leader looks out for #1. This fosters disloyalty and loss of respect. It is not about you, it is not what is best for you. Look out for the best of others.
4. Flatten the Structure
Control, manipulation and retaining power are outdated leadership paradigms that need to die.
Empower those around you to be the leaders God calls them to be.
5. Create a Secure environment
A great team can handle failure, so long as it isn't brought on by sloth or stupidity. Healthy teams are environments where there is an utter lack of fear and intimidation.
6. Respect Others Intelligence
Great leaders don't have to be the smartest most intelligent members of the team. They bring out the best in their teams. It is the unwise leader who has the need to always prevail in every meeting or conversation. It gets old after awhile.
7. Trust
Take the risk to trust people. Assign tasks and trust they will follow through. There is no point in having a team if you never trust them to do what they are supposed to.
8. Offer Praise
If you run out of things to say, why not try a few of these phrases: Good job. Great idea. Thanks. You did a terrific job. I am really proud of you. I really appreciate you.
Use them several times per day for desired results.
9. Give away credit
You get more credit with others and with your team when you learn to give it away. Look for opportunities to give credit to your team. Look for opportunities to elevate them and promote them in the eyes of others. There is no room to write about the pay offs of doing this.
10. Lighten Up
Humor, a good laugh and the ability to have fun working with one another is not an option it is of utmost importance. In high demand, high stress atmospheres, it can mean survival!
Happy Team Leading!
On Being a Dad
I used to do alot of funerals in my former life. I was kept busy with a funeral home helping families who did not have their own pastor. Of all the experiences life has to offer that one shaped and changed my values.
Two situations in particular had a strong impact on me. The first one was the accidental death of a teenager who was snowmobiling. He had a head-on collision with a truck. His father heard the crash, came rushing to the scene and held his boy in his arms as he died. It sends chills up my spine even as I write. The boy was the same age as our oldest son.
The second situation was a Dad who passed away. He had been fast asleep and woke up with chest pains. He dropped to the floor and he was gone, just like that. As I did the service his 10 year old son sat in the front row weeping. The Dad was my age and his son was the same age as our youngest son. While doing the service I kept looking at the little boy thinking, "that could be me in that casket and that little boy could be my own."
These things cause us to reflect a bit and realize one thing; the lives of our children and our lives as parents are fragile at best. None of us have a guarantee about tomorrow and we have to live like every day counts!
These experiences have helped to shape my values as a Dad. I want to share a few of them with you in the hopes that they will encourage you.
Get Home!
My job takes me out of the home quite a bit as I travel the District. I don't find this particularly hard--except for one thing, stuff seems to always happen when I am away. I have learned to capitalize on my time on the road. Simply put--I do whatever I can to minimize my nights in hotels, just to be home. It means alot to be able to drive my son to school, even if I don't get home until the wee hours of the morning. Here is the bottom line, no matter what you do...get home. If you are a pastor, your church is important, don't neglect it, but your ministry is meant to be kept in perspective. Get home. Spend time at home, be there when you are there. In other words be engaged, be involved in your kids lives.
Be Value Driven
It is interesting that parenting is just as intense now as it ever was now that we have two young adults at home, plus a teen. The issues are just different. They are bigger issues that can change their lives so the stakes are pretty high. Questions about alcohol, dating, relationships, night clubs, career, education, personal finance, houses and cars are common topics these days in our household. I have only one thing to share in this. If you died tomorrow will you have enforced rules or instilled values in your childrens lives? If it is all about rules--they will be quickly forgotten and broken the minute you are not there to enforce them.
Being value driven is much better. I see my role as a parent to instill values, common sense, the ability to chose, reason, think and seek the will of God on a variety of issues. The thought that is always on my mind is, "If I died tomorrow, will these guys be able to manage life without me?"
As our kids get older it is an honor to be the major source of influence in their lives. It is music to a parents ears to hear their son or daughter say, "I need to talk to you."
Two situations in particular had a strong impact on me. The first one was the accidental death of a teenager who was snowmobiling. He had a head-on collision with a truck. His father heard the crash, came rushing to the scene and held his boy in his arms as he died. It sends chills up my spine even as I write. The boy was the same age as our oldest son.
The second situation was a Dad who passed away. He had been fast asleep and woke up with chest pains. He dropped to the floor and he was gone, just like that. As I did the service his 10 year old son sat in the front row weeping. The Dad was my age and his son was the same age as our youngest son. While doing the service I kept looking at the little boy thinking, "that could be me in that casket and that little boy could be my own."
These things cause us to reflect a bit and realize one thing; the lives of our children and our lives as parents are fragile at best. None of us have a guarantee about tomorrow and we have to live like every day counts!
These experiences have helped to shape my values as a Dad. I want to share a few of them with you in the hopes that they will encourage you.
Get Home!
My job takes me out of the home quite a bit as I travel the District. I don't find this particularly hard--except for one thing, stuff seems to always happen when I am away. I have learned to capitalize on my time on the road. Simply put--I do whatever I can to minimize my nights in hotels, just to be home. It means alot to be able to drive my son to school, even if I don't get home until the wee hours of the morning. Here is the bottom line, no matter what you do...get home. If you are a pastor, your church is important, don't neglect it, but your ministry is meant to be kept in perspective. Get home. Spend time at home, be there when you are there. In other words be engaged, be involved in your kids lives.
Be Value Driven
It is interesting that parenting is just as intense now as it ever was now that we have two young adults at home, plus a teen. The issues are just different. They are bigger issues that can change their lives so the stakes are pretty high. Questions about alcohol, dating, relationships, night clubs, career, education, personal finance, houses and cars are common topics these days in our household. I have only one thing to share in this. If you died tomorrow will you have enforced rules or instilled values in your childrens lives? If it is all about rules--they will be quickly forgotten and broken the minute you are not there to enforce them.
Being value driven is much better. I see my role as a parent to instill values, common sense, the ability to chose, reason, think and seek the will of God on a variety of issues. The thought that is always on my mind is, "If I died tomorrow, will these guys be able to manage life without me?"
As our kids get older it is an honor to be the major source of influence in their lives. It is music to a parents ears to hear their son or daughter say, "I need to talk to you."
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